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I wish that I could freeze time.
I wish that no matter what, in that frozen time, everyone was happy and at peace and there was no sadness, loss, hurt, or anything bad to experience.
Today, I woke up to some of the worst news you can hear in this life. My grandpa, Tom Quan, passed away. He was battling cancer and was just placed in a nursing home to get better care. He wasn't wanting to eat, so I KNEW it was coming. I just went through this in June with Laurie. I knew it was coming, but I didn't want to believe it.
Growing up, I remember him sitting in his chair watching tv and not being able to hear it and that one christmas when he got new fishing set and went to the pool in the backyard to try it out just to come back in a few minutes later with his catch of the day.... his own lip! I will always remember him as he was then. Happy, healthy, HILARIOUS.
I never did get up to see him suffering and I am sad about that, but also happy. I don't want to have memories of him less than perfect. He is back to his perfect healthy self on his way to Heaven now, anyway, right?! I like to picture Heaven that way.
Seeing the decline of Laurie was the hardest thing I had ever seen. She went from eating, talking, and watching her shows, to gone in the matter of a WEEK. Now, she wasn't perfect. She wasn't healthy, and the tumor's were huge and growing daily, but she was THERE and she seemed happy. I saw her decline and was there when she passed and it was the hardest thing I had ever seen.
Family tells me that he passed peacefully in his sleep. This is the best way I can envision passing away. No struggles for breath. No fighting for life- just peacefully slipping away from his body.
I am happy that he is no longer struggling just as I was with Laurie, but I am sad and hurting that he couldn't be made better on this Earth, where he could still be with our whole family. Today is a sad day and I will spend it remembering all the good times with Grandpa Quan.
Rest in peace, grandpa!
